Attitude is Everything – My Story

June 2010, aged 38. I knew what the diagnosis was before I even walked in to the waiting room. What I wasn’t prepared for was the whirlwind that would follow. That is honestly the only way I can describe it. With my faith 100% in the amazing medical team I had, I allowed myself to get fully caught up in that wind. And emotionally, I was steadfast and positive. Always positive. With those in place, I flicked the autopilot switch.

My medical team decided on surgery, 6 months chemotherapy (and a blood transfusion), 15 doses of radiotherapy, 2 years of monthly Goserelin injections into my stomach and 10 years of Tamoxifen. In all this I was diagnosed with lymphoedema. It’s only slight but noticeable all the same. I decided on prophylactic surgery as I sadly lost my mother to breast cancer when she was only 40. I had to do all I could possibly do to not allow history to repeat itself. My children needed me.

I don’t really know how to express it, and maybe it’s some sort of internal defence mechanism but I block (for want of a better word) anything negative or detrimental to me. I really did feel like I was on autopilot. It was all very surreal. I couldn’t allow myself to sit and think because then I might dwell, and dwelling would only bring doubt. I know it was hard for my family to watch me go through it. I know how scared my children were. I know how desperately sad my sister became. But I was in my own little bubble, doing what needed to be done without a second thought. In my bubble trying to ensure everyone was happy. In my bubble with 3 “lifesavers” – Darren Hayes, Thirty Seconds to Mars and Square Enix. I will be eternally grateful to these for helping me to get through in one piece. Just curious, aside from family, what has got you through your darkest days?

And then came the day when I got the all clear. That was the day I went home and sobbed. I could finally breathe. I could finally let go of everything that I had been keeping locked and buried deep inside. I cried some more.

Only now can I sit and think what I have actually gone through. I think of my Mom going through the same but losing her fight. I think how lucky I am. As I state in my bio, attitude is everything. I do strongly believe that. Not once did I allow negativity or depression to enter my thinking. I’ve always been an emotionally strong and positive person. I wasn’t going to let that change me. In fact I’ve come out of it more determined. There’s nothing like facing your own mortality to know what you want and to begin living your life the way you want to. Take those risks. Tick off those bucket list items. Life is far too precious and fragile to be down, to be unhappy, to worry. See the beauty and find strength in everything around you. I find the simple things now bring the most joy.

September 2017. It’s been a long time but I am finally reclaiming my femininity, learning to love the body that cancer left me with. My scars are my daily reminders of my strength and to live life to the fullest. My hair grew back naturally white after chemo. No way was that staying! It’s the inkiest blue black thanks to Schwarzkopf Live Color XXL 90 Cosmic Blue (me and my inner goth love you!). It is a journey, albeit an annoying one sometimes. Annoying in the sense of finding a beautiful, sleeved top only for my affected arm not to fit in it. Annoying in the sense of trying to find pretty, sexy, feminine bras as opposed to the hideous slingshots that apparently I should now be wearing. Oh, that’s a future blog post šŸ˜€

And on that note I shall stop with my rambling. I have never allowed myself to feel so vulnerable. I’ve shared my story in the hope that it encourages or inspires and gives hope to those who feel hopeless. You can get through it!

If there is anything you would like to see me feature or discuss on my blog please do get in touch.




Mondays = New Beginnings

Be Optimistic. Be You ♥


Mondays = fresh starts, new beginnings.

I am so excited about this blog.Ā Iā€™d like this blog to be cathartic for me and a place of hope, inspiration and encouragement for others. It may take me a while to get everything where I want it to be, but I’m working on it.


On Your 21st Birthday

My dearest daughter,

This time 21 years ago I couldn’t wait to meet you. Were you a boy or a girl? Blonde, brunette or bald? Who would you look like? I was so excited yet so anxious. How would I know if I was doing the whole parenting thing correctly? And then you were here. I held you in my arms and I was hit by overwhelming love. My life from that moment on changed forever.

Here we are now and you stand before me as a beautiful woman. An independent, strong, young woman. And my role changes too. No longer am I the one to tell you off, set curfew times, ground you. I am more of an advisor and best friend. I will be here for you unconditionally as always. You now have the reins of your own life. I will try and give you the freedom. I’ll always worry but it’s now down to you. You will make mistakes but you will also rise above them and shine. Enjoy it and cherish every day. You have so many exciting times ahead of you. Embrace it!

Before I leave you with some words of wisdom remember you are stronger than you think, braver than you feel and I am always, always with you. I love you more than words can express. I am tremendously proud of you. I could not ask for a more loving, wonderful and beautiful daughter.

Happy birthday sweetheart,

Love always,

Mom xxxxxxx


Pearls of Wisdom

  1. Brother – Your brother is your everything. Friends will come and friends will go but he will always be by your side. He is there for you and there with you until the end of days. Never take him for granted. Support each other, cry on his shoulders as he can cry on yours, smile and laugh with him. Above all, love him with all your heart. What you two have nobody can take away. Blood really is thicker than water. Make him a priority.
  2. Work – You have a good career ahead of you. Enjoy it and follow whatever path it may lead. Always leave work at work. If you’ve had a tough day, or client, leave it at work. It’s not worth getting upset and stressed about. Go home and have a long soak and a glass of Chardonnay. If you ever tire of hairdressing then leave. Do what you love to do. Your happiness is worth more than settling just to pay bills.
  3. Love – You will get your heartbroken. I’m sorry but you will. Then along comes ‘The One’. Always make time to go on dates. Even when you’re married you still must make time to be a couple. Have fun! Never change for him. He fell for you as you were when he first saw you. He fell for your smile. Trust me, he really loves your stretch marks and adores you without makeup. You are his Queen.
  4. People – Don’t allow toxic people to remain in your life. Anyone who sucks the happiness out of you and leaves you full of negativity is not worth your time or effort. Get rid! Forgive always. Bearing a grudge will just weigh you down. The other person doesn’t care so move on. I’m not saying forget, just forgive. Never judge a person. You don’t know their story, you don’t know what they’ve been through. Circumstances may have made them the way they are. And listen! Sometimes a person just needs to talk. Be attentive and don’t interrupt with your ideas. Allow them the time to unload their troubles.
  5. Dreams – No dream is unattainable or unrealistic. I don’t care what anyone says. If you want something bad enough then you will work out a way to get it. Never lose sight of your dreams. Write them down and work out how you can achieve them. Nothing is impossible. You will fall down and hit obstacles but you get straight back up and try again. You haven’t failed. It’s just a lesson learnt. The only time you will ever fail is if you don’t try! Take risks!
  6. Time – Don’t wish it away. Time passes so quickly as an adult. I remember the day you were born. I couldn’t wait for you to sleep through the night, to walk, to talk, to go to school. Before I knew it school was a distant memory and you were part of the workforce. Make every moment count. You will never get those 5 minutes back. Always make time to read my grandchildren bedtime stories.
  7. Money – Save! Never go into debt to have your perfect designer life. Be happy with what you have and what you can afford. Priorities should always be rent or mortgage, food on your table, clothes and utilities. Anything else really is a luxury. One day you’ll see that it’s the simple little things that make you so happy you could burst. That feeling you get when you walk out of Selfridge’s is just temporary. Coming home to wagging tails and smiles from your husband and children are priceless.
  8. The World – Connect to the living world as much as possible. It will become your sanctuary during times of stress and upset. It will bring you great joy. Feel the sand between your toes, watch the sunset, lie on a hill and watch the clouds go by, sleep under the stars, listen to the birdsong and catch snowflakes on your tongue. The world is a beautiful, inspiring living thing. Love and look after it. Travel! See as many countries and experience different cultures. See more of the country you live in. Discover stunning places. Find your Home.
  9. Children – Be there for them. Read them bedside stories, play games, get messy and covered in glitter. Always find the time to spend time with them. Don’t use technology as a babysitter. Cherish every minute you have with them. Teach them to respect the Earth. Ensure they are always happy. Their happiness will fill you with an indescribable joy. Allow me to spoil them.
  10. You – You are beautiful! Don’t change for anyone and don’t try to be somebody else. Stop comparing yourself to others and realise you are perfect. You. Are. Perfect. And never change to keep people happy. Do what you want to do. You don’t need to impress anyone. Figure out who you are and what you believe in. Never apologise for being you. Trust your instincts. If you have a bad feeling about someone or something, then there’s probably a good reason why. Us females have strong gut reactions. Listen to them. Look after yourself. You need to be healthy for this amazing journey you are about to embark on. Always find time for you, even if it’s a long soak in a hot bubble bath. You need time to relax and unwind. You must look after your soul as well as your body. Never stop questioning or learning. Learn all you can. Learn another language. Learn to cook. Be generous with your time, your heart and your money. Karma has a good memory. Smile šŸ™‚ It suits you. And lastly, remember every problem or stressful day can be fixed with Dairy Milk, Krispy Kreme or a cup of Twining’s English Breakfast Strong tea.